Skip the Emotions You Know You'll Get Over

I'm done dating. I have the worst luck. I don't think it is meant for me.

So if any of you wants to arrange a marriage for me, go for it. I won't object. I want to have kids someday.

Just don't arrange a marriage until I'm at least 27. Until then, I'm hands off. I'm gonna focus on my career and my book.

Until then, I'll work on skipping the emotions I know I'll get over.

On a lighter note, I went to court today to plead guilty for a moving violation: following too close, which resulted in a collision. The judge was scary, as were the people in court, but I went alone, owned up to my fault, said I couldn't afford to pay the fine today, prayed he wouldn't lock me up for 5 days as was his right, and he went nice on me. Split up the payment of my fine into two payments, one October 7th and the other November somethingth. I hope to never go back unless I decide to go to Law School to become a judge myself. That's still something I'm considering doing in a few years.

i've also started singing again. now that's a stress reliever. haven't been able to do that with roomies around, because 1) i'm self-conscious about singing, 2) since i didn't practice, my voice went bad, and 3) i don't like singing when my voice is bad. but now there are some times when i'm alone and i can sing whatever i please. so wonderful.

and i watched an audrey hepburn film recently. it was as wonderful as always. but i think i'm gonna have to watch a few more with some krispy kremes or reese's mini PB cups. that will hit the spot.

also, i lost my iPod. I think someone stole it at work. I will never trust anyone ever again when they say my stuff is safe anywhere. i will get a portable safe with wheels. i don't care how inconvenient it is. i'm going semi-pessimistic, because full-pessimists are too dreary to be around.

video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDEEzS7OV2k

The Rabbit Brand

If you know about the rabbit of approval, then you probably share my opinion regarding said rabbit.

I saw an ad on facebook for the brand that displays this rabbit, and i clicked the x to get rid of it. Then FB asked why I got rid of the ad. My choices were: offensive, misleading, uninteresting, repetitive, and other.

I selected other and typed this into the clarification box:

i hate that brand. the rabbit of approval clearly did NOT get any credentials with which to make valid approvings.

I even bought the mac and cheese because i trusted the rabbit of approval. i mean, with a name like that, who cares if it is a rabbit?

well, turns out, I care. what a lame creature to decide if your food is approval-worthy, especially when your food is for humans.

nastiest mac and cheese i ever had.

you've been warned.

Adnormal 8th

That’s right. My 8th day of work is not normal. I complete an 8 hour job in a little under 3 hours. I’m looking around for something to do, go through my checklist, hope that someone asks for my help with something, but nothing happens. So I start editing a paper. Then a lady comes to me and says my 2^nd biggest boss wants to talk to me. Uh-oh. I knew they were monitoring what I was doing on the computer!

You know I’m going to get in trouble, readers, don’t you? You are pointing and laughing at me right now because of my folly.

But now’s when I point and laugh at YOU readers, because you are WRONG! I am not in trouble at all!

I go into her office and she says she wants to move me. I’m aware of that. They’ve told me like three times that I’m gonna be switching to another desk in about a month. I guess she wants to move me NOW so I ask. “Where?”

Then I point and laugh at you again! You made another mistake, trusting that I know what my boss is talking about! She actually wasn’t talking about my desk at all!

She tells me about another job. She wants me to have it. She can tell just from looking at me, my resume, my degree, and my performance that I can handle more. She doesn’t think they’ve come close to maxing me out. I’ll have more responsibilities, be a one-man department, be a face of the company for doctors across the nation. She said she could use fresh eyes and someone who can change the current manual process into a digital process. Then she said something that I love:

“I think you’ll be able to learn more in this position, be exposed more, grow. You’ll be able to use your skills and develop more.”

She did tell me when I interviewed with her (she was my second interview, the one I quoted earlier on this blog) that there’s room for growth in this company. Is that not what I’m looking for in life? Just to keep learning and growing?

The correct answer is yes.

So when she asked what I thought about it, I said I was open to that. She said to spend half of the day training for the new new job for the rest of the week. Then we’ll see how next week goes.

I’m simply very excited. I’ve been promoted on my 8^th day here. Now I just have to keep doing what my dad told me: get a little better each day.

Sing-along time!

I finally got a paper to edit,

A paper to edit,

A paper to edit!

I finally got a paper to edit,

Although I'm not in school!

Yeah!

Catchy song, isn't it? Ha ha. Thanks. Cutler!

My BOOOOOK!

You guys, I'm not sure if I could ever accurately express my desire to continuously work on my book. It is such an idea! I mean, I have countless ideas and way too many books to write, but this one? This one blows my mind away. I have no idea how I came up with it.

I'm pretty sure it's gonna be the next big thing. At least in my life. :)

I would like to ask you all some questions, for research purposes. I am trying to create a female heroine that is NOT whiny, but isn't all tough. I need her to be strong enough to get through some really crazy crap, but I don't want her to be invulnerable. And no way is she gonna be some gorgeous chick. I'm sick of that. I want something most people can relate to, because like it or not, we aren't all Hollywood beautiful.

Anyway, my point is, have you read any books or seen any movies that depict a strong female lead (or support) who isn't invincible, who doesn't have the goddess quality of beauty, who knows how to stand up for herself, who isn't completely selfish, who doesn't whine and get on people's nerves like a valley girl, but who has faults just like everybody else?

Hopefully that makes sense. I'm looking for some character references, some examples to see how other writers/producers pull off successful female-leads.

Also, I'm looking for guys who aren't macho macho, but are still masculine. Guys who don't have to prove themselves. Guys can be aggressively-passionate (not violent) about something, who aren't completely rugged, who could be resourceful.

And evil characters that you understand where they are coming from.

Thanks ahead of time if you participate. Sorry to be so obsessed, but don't judge me. You would be too if you had centuries of a fictional society swirling around in your head, characters at the brink of war, and knowing how it will all work out in the end. Simply and complexly fascinating.

To Could-Be-Marylander

Dear Could-Be-Marylander,

I really wish you gave me more information...like, why Maryland?

Other than that...I'm a big believer in never going against your gut...you know, that feeling that you get, right there by your bellybutton. The small quiet nag that seems to know what's what. If you are being pulled to Maryland, then maybe it's for a reason. However, I don't know your age, your family situation, your stressors, etc.

If you are a fairly young adult with no responsibilities, then why not go for it? Live life, see the world, face your fears and save money so you can visit home regularly.

If you are a person with a family of your own, then under no circumstances do you leave them. If you have a spouse and/or children, your first and foremost commitment at all times is to them. Period. Don't care whatever is in the picture...unless there's abuse, you always leave abuse. Or infidelity...that's a personal decision that only the people involved can make. Other than that, a deal's a deal.

Do you have some responsibilities? Are you the caregiver to someone? Does someone need you for something? Don't walk away from those type of situations.

Are you just wanting to try something new? Go for it.

And remember...an unhealthy situation is an unhealthy situation. People are people no matter where you go. You take yourself wherever you go. But if you need to go to Maryland to better your life, then go.

Make sure you stay safe. Trust, but verify. Get all the education you can. Give back to your community. Mentor a child. Keep the promises you make. Stay true to yourself and your roots. And make sure to stay away from the politicians. All of them. Both sides are crooked right now....so just stay away from the donkeys and the elephants.

If you can do that in Maryland...and it's calling you for some reason...then go.

Unless, everything that I've written here has nothing to do with your situation. :)

Have a great one,
MommaC

Congrats, Momma C!

My mom won a trip to Hawaii. Cool, huh?

Also, she made my 200th post for me.

And she wrote a post on her own blog to help me calm down and to give me advice.

So I'd like to share my mom with you, because she's cool, nice, and wise.

You may ask her a question or a few, and she will respond, because she's good at things like that. This is sort of like a dear abbey thing, but it was her idea to have it be a dear momma c, so maybe you'll want to hit the anonymous button when you publish your comment, but PLEASE feel free to ask her anything.

the woman knows a lot. chances are that she can help alleviate some of that stress i know you have. (that's right, you can't hide it from me!)

so write to her via a comment on this post. she'll love it, and i'm sure everyone who reads here will benefit from it too. we just need people to speak up.

Number 200 with MommaC!!!

Welcome to post #200!!!

And welcome to Brittany's momma's ramblings!

My name is Connie, and I am VERY excited to be guest blogging on my daughter's blog today. I am not the funny writer she is, but I do love to blog. In fact, if you have a bit of time, you can go poke around at my blog: Connie's Ramblings. Go ahead...you'll even see more pictures of Britt over there. And if you make it towards the bottom where there's a video, it's supposed to be to the tune of Bon Jovi's "Make a Memory"...but apparently, youtube is all picky about keeping a song with a video if you don't have permission. Jeepers. So if you're ever by my computer, you can watch it as I intended.

Now, before I get caught sneaking pictures onto her blog...I thought I'd hurry and share some more of my life...which is my husband and my girls...here go...

This is my favorite high school picture of Britt:

This is my mom, my sister and a sleeping baby Britt...isn't she so cute?!?!?


And these are my girls...and this is completely normal...


So...to get down to business...yeah, I don't just come here to do whatever I want...I actually have an assignment to fulfill.

First, somehow, when Brittany hooked up another email account with this blog, she no longer followed my blog. Do you know my daughter? Have you ever heard her "mock" me about how serious of an offense it is to NOT read my blog? Well...my first task was to have her follow me again. Done.

Second, this is the sad part...Brittany won't be blogging as often (???) in the near future...for a few reasons:

1 - Brittany has started a new job. And she is really liking it thus far. I'm hoping it will continue along that path. Keep her busy. Keep her challenged. Keep her checking and savings account happy and full enough for bill paying and some good fun. Anyways...that will be keeping her busy...and the good news about this job over her previous job is that she has holidays and weekends off! Yeah!!!

2 - Brittany's brain is completely obsessed with an idea with for a book. So she's getting down to some novel writing. Good for her! Sad for us...cuz I don't know about you, but I sure like reading her blog...

3 - Well...to be frank...she's talking with a boy. Rather, a man. Sorry about that Mr. S. No offense about calling you a boy. She's a girl. You're a boy. I'm an old fogey. ;)

So.

That was my assignment.

And so I'll be invited to come back at some point in the future, I shall behave myself and not make all sorts of points and observations (like my brilliant idea of having a column on here of "Ask MommaC")...but feel free to click on over to my blog. :)

And other than that, thanks for reading my daughter's blog! She's great and cracks me up on a regular basis.

p.s. survivor starts tomorrow...it's changed to wednesday nights for the first time...so plan accordingly!

My Sweet Grandpa

So a couple of days ago I got a call from my grandpa. He heard I wrecked my car and he wanted to make sure I was okay, and then he was getting mad because my insurance wouldn't pay for anything (i had the cheapest insurance and they wouldn't pay because it was my fault). He was very irritated and didn't trust my insurance company and told me to have Doug look over my policy for me. He was certain they were taking me for a spin. And then he assured me that cars are replaceable and that the important thing was that nobody got hurt.

Very nice grandpa, looking out for me like that.

Then he called me again today. He said that I should wait for my uncle in Poland to get back and ask him to help me find a car for a good price, because that uncle is good at finding good prices for auto-related stuff. And he continued to assure me that everyone has an accident. I had mine, so just don't let it happen again. Then he said cars are replaceable, so who cares about those inanimate objects? People aren't replaceable.

And then it clicked. His wife was an irreplaceable he lost in an accident because of a drunk driver. So yeah, no wonder he's so cheerful and looking out for me. It's a good thing no one was hurt because of me.

Then he said that he was glad I didn't get hurt. "Well, your feelings were hurt weren't they?" He made me agree out loud to that question. Kept saying "weren't they?" until I admitted it. Then he laughed.

Which made me laugh. Nothing like someone making you admit your feelings are hurt and then chuckling over it. Not in an evil way. Just trying to cheer me up. But ironically funny.

A Recommendation for Writers

Writer's Guide to Character Traits by Linda N. Edelstein, PH.D. I have the second edition.

It includes profiles of human behaviors and personality types. Psychological and statistical information included. Very good stuff.

It's a good base for characters. Great to flip through if you're trying to figure out how to make someone more realistic or crazy in your stories.

Inception Questions

One: How exactly did they end up sharing dreams? I don't understand. Does the machine they hook up to somehow act as a train for each person's subconscious to the same destination? I missed that explanation. I don't know how that many people can end up in the same dream.

Two: Even though they've calculated how much faster time goes in dreamtimes, shouldn't brain capacity have some influence there? They said that BRAIN FUNCTION speeds up, not time itself. If the brain FUNCTION itself increases rather than TIME, I ask you all, my fellow thinkers, should not there be a difference in how fast each person functions in a dream? Leave behind my confusion about how everyone shares dreams. I'll accept that for the sake of this question. After all is said and done, each individual's brain FUNCTION varies, and therefore so should their dreamtime-speed.

So if the dreamer is slower than other people in the dream, then dreamreality would move slowly and they may become frustrated with delayed responses and such. If, on the other hand, the dreamer is faster than other people in the dream, then the others would not be able to function and might get hit by a car or something like that. Use your imaginations for those two scenarios before you move on to the third option I'm going to extend, because it is a good one.

If all of the people in the dream have different brain function capacities and therefore different dreaming speeds, then some people will function to fast and others will function too slow. Can you imagine all the mayhem that would cause? I cannot...though I can imagine quite a lot of mayhem. So how on EARTH or in SUBCONSCIOUS can any team goal be accomplished with dreamsharing?

My immediate answer is drugs. These people need to be on drugs to fix their brain functions to the same levels. These drugs must enhance or damage their brain function so they can all interact normally in identical time dimensions. And it can't be permanent, or the drugs would create geniuses and fools alike in realworld reality.

The end.

Although, it's not really the end. I want to hear from anyone who has seen the movie enough to remember, understand, reflect on, or hypothesize about the answers to my questions. I would like to know the truth and other's opinions, not just my conclusions I made up on the spot.

Tuesday News

I got details about my job. Not so much details as the decision they made, but still, I know more.

I start working Monday as an Administrative Assistant. That means if the receptionist takes the day off, I take her place. Otherwise, I'm a glorified intern. I help administration, marketing, the warehouse occasionally if it gets swamped. Also, they want to utilize my background as much as possible, so they'll let me proofread. Maybe that will lead to actual editing.

They said there is room for growth, and I think it'd be fun to do more marketing. I enjoyed it for my minor, and I liked public relations when I volunteered for that position.

Also, I can think better than I have in the past few days, and my back doesn't hurt as much anymore. So that is an improvement. And I am learning Japanese again. And I am in season 3 of Farscape.

And since I have this WHOLE WEEK OFF, I'm gonna write. As soon as I do a blog post asking questions about Inception. Because there were two things that I was confused about in that movie.

My Own MedQuest Prescription

MedQuest is a pharmaceutical company that specializes in compounding. I recently got a dose of medicine from them that's helping me get out of the funk I'm in right now. I got a new job there. I applied for an administrative assistant. A couple hundred other people there did, too. I got an interview and loved the two ladies who interviewed me, and I think they had a good time with me.

Then I got another interview. Only four people did. And they decided to split the job up and hire two people, a receptionist, and someone who does a whole lot of administrative assisting. At the end of the interview, I says to the manager lady,

"I know you see some value in me simply based on the fact that I'm here for a second interview, so right now the question isn't 'why would you hire me?' it's 'why would you hire one of the other three people?' If you don't mind, would you tell me why you think you wouldn't hire me right now?"

She didn't have a reason. She said my background is great and I'd probably be able to handle more than the last person who held the position. She said it seems like I'd welcome challenges and learning how to do new things. I assured her she was correct. Then I concluded the interview by saying,

"I want to let you know that I'm not a mistake. I've done all of that (pointing to my resume--on which they have taken several notes that I want to read) because I'm interested in it, because I can handle it, and because I like to push ahead and get things done. I have a job right now, but I want this one, and I want to work for MedQuest. I am valuable, so if you have any questions you wished you'd asked me when you're making your final decision, call me."

She told me she'd make her decision on Tuesday, but I got a call a few hours latter for one of the ladies who interviewed me the first time. She said I got the job, and she was so happy the manager made that decision because both she and the other lady who did my first interview were rooting for me. Made me feel good. :)

I hope I get the assistant part, because that's what gets me more skills and experience and general knowledge. That's what I'm all about. Learning and performing. But if I only get the receptionist position, that's perfectly fine with me. It's a pay increase and it comes with excellent benefits. I'll be able to replace my glasses and pay off my debts. And start saving up for a Master's program.

The funny thing to me in all of this?

My aunt works there. She found out they were hiring on the day they closed their job ad. That night, I emailed my resume in. In the morning, my aunt checked if it was too late. It wasn't. The lady liked how my resume looked, and she printed it out.

BUT THEN she forgot I was related to her at all.

I didn't get the job because I'm related to someone there, and that is a relief to me, because I like to get things because I deserve them, not because of favors. I would have been thankful to Tara (and I am, forever), but I also would've doubted my abilities to meet people's expectations. Now I will never doubt myself there (at least, not as much as I would have. I'm sure I'll have a few doubts occasionally just because that's the way I am).

And since my aunt works there, she offered me a carpool since I wrecked my car. So I guess things are looking up. I still miss Paynor, and I'm still more confused than normal, but I'm not making as many typos as I did yesterday or the day before. I'll have a bit more money in my budget if I have to let go of Paynor and cancel my insurance.

And I'll have Saturdays off again!

Thanks for helping me get me resume in on time, Tara. Thanks for always looking out for me.

Learning Sarcasm or Vision?

My three-year-old cousin made cute point the other day.

"There are too many clouds."

The sky was clear.

Maybe he's catching on to the concept of sarcasm already.

Paynor is dead

I don't know if people expect to be told when their family members or friends are in a crash, so hopefully if you are one of the people who expect to be told, and if you consider me a friend or relative you read this, because I'm not contacting people personally. I only did that for my mom and my work, because they are the ones that need to know. I also told becca but don't get your feelings hurt--i told her because she was the only person who knew how great my day was going up until the point that Paynor died.

Speaking of Paynor, I would like to make a dedication to my car. He's at the car hospital right now and they are waiting to see if I can afford the transplants he needs to survive, and if he would even survive the surgery.

It was stop and go traffic. After a few hours, I'm starting to comprehend what happened. And I remember that it wasn't because I was on the phone. I had hung up a few minutes before the crash. I wrecked because I looked at my watch. It was stop and go traffic. More like accelerate and hit your brakes fast traffic. I was annoyed with it, but I was trying to be careful. Until I looked at my watch to see if I should call my work and let them know I was going to be a little late today.

I ended up calling them after I wrecked the hood of my car.

The hood was bent like a capital A. Go Aggie block A.

The grill was a two-level deep V on it's side. headlights smashed across the road. tires obliterated.

The car in front of me was fine. I'm glad. They were also nice to me when I finally managed to get out of the car and fell into a ball on the ground and proceeded to bawl my eyes out.

I swore only once. It was when I looked up from my watch (it was maybe a second-long glance down). I looked up, swore, and the next thing I know, my face is sideways on a depleting airbag.

My face hurts. My wrist hurts and I don't know why, but it's not broken, just a bump-scratch. I pull over by the three cars already assembled at the side of the road. I know now that I blacked out, but at the moment, I didn't even question how they were suddenly pulled over and no one was in front of me (also i know i blacked out because I couldn't remember why I didn't stop in time, and I assumed it was because I was on the phone because the last thing I remembered besides the crash was getting off the phone with jaycey, and that was at a stoplight, not on the freeway).

My alarm is going off and I can't turn it off. My hood makes me start crying and I realized I'm coughing. There's a weird smoke in my car that is acrid. It burns my throat, nose, and eyes. I unbuckle, try to get out of my car, but my door won't open. Some guy starts approaching my car and I panic a little, realizing I can't get out of my car and for some reason, this guy scares me even though he seems nice and he's shouting "Are you alright?"

I feel sick, and I can't stop shaking enough to get out of my car smoothly. I kinda crash my way to the passenger door, which thankfully works. I look at my car. My favorite hunk of metal. Paynor the boat car. No one knew his name before I published this blog. It was a secret between me and him. My train boat car crashed, front part of it smashed in, but it saved the cab of the car perfectly. The only thing that hurt me was the airbag. He was such a good friend even though I wasn't careful enough with him.

Then I break down. Paynor might be dead, and if he's not, I might not be able to afford to keep him, like a child taken from parents who just can't feed him properly. I was driving to work to pay for bills. I'd taken tuesday off for jaycey's birthday. wednesday they closed because water was broken. Now I was out three days work this week. Not enough money.

How do I go to school? How do I pay people back? How do I get a new car? I need to drive to work and maybe a newer better job in NSLC. Why today, when I counted my blessings and finally felt better?

The people I crashed into were kind. A grandma kept telling me that everyone was okay, that's what mattered, that cars can be replaced, and if life has to be put on hold for a minute, it happens, and you can get on with it.

But I can't stop crying and saying sorry. That may be the reason the cop let me off with just a citation, not the whole reckless driving ticket he could've sent me to my financial grave with. And honestly, most of that time I wished it was a worse crash so that I wouldn't wake up from it into this new reality I was looking at. I didn't know how to cope, hence the pathetic mess I melted into on the side of the road. Paynor is dead. Paynor is dead. His face is all smashed in.

I didn't want to eat, because I was naseated, but I was hungry. I didn't want to drink, but I needed water. I didn't want anyone to look at me, but they needed paperwork from me. I didn't want to leave my car, but someone towed it away.

On the brightside, even though I couldn't appreciate it at the moment, I made a mental note to remember how young and cute the tow-truck guy was and the fact that he kept saying his name and pointing to his number on the business card he handed me.

My work called me back to ask if everything was okay, if I was alright, if they could do anything for me.

ReAnne ordered pizza and gave me oils for trauma. She also told me my eyes were dialated and I might have a concussion, but I didn't believe her, until I remembered that I was repeating the same words over and over to myself out loud while I was trying to fill out paperwork before I could finish a sentence on paper. I couldn't write. That's my life, so it's kind of a big deal when I can't finish a simple sentence on paper. I kept trying to write it was 1997 on today's date on the paperwork. I keep making typos while writing this blog post. Probably every third word I have to retype. Ask my friends. I'm a near perfect, fast typer. This is driving me nuts.

I miss paynor. He was a constant reminder that my life was getting better, that going places was freedom. that i could always stop and visit logan if i needed/wanted to.

And now He's gone.

I am extremely tired. I am still in shock maybe. I might have a concussion. I can't believe this happened. I just want to cry. Not sleep. not eat. not read. and not type anymore because it is so frustrating. Deep down I know it will be fine somehow. But when paynor crashed, it's like he wrecked my insides. I'm jumbled and lost.

I just want to use photoshop and make paynor look good as new. I want to write a paper that won't leave room for me to think about anything else. I want to be in the future and teaching so that I'm already past this stage in my life.

Maybe blogging will take the edge off of the situation for me. This sort of thing happens a lot, as the grandma said to me everytime I said sorry to her. I was lucky everything wasn't worse. But still, it happened, and I don't deal well with stress. It seems to all be on the surface today, swirling in my head and making me tired and dizzy, angry and confused, sad and sick, lonely and wishing no one were around.

And like I said, I don't know if people expect to be told when their family members or friends are in a crash, so hopefully if you are one of the people who expect to be told, you read this, because I don't want to tell everyone individually about it. I don't think I could tell people that many times.