The Mute of Shame

I would like to blog about a phrase I got going around our apartment now.  It's made a few people defensive, but I'm pretty sure we all think it's rather funny because of how truthful it is (most of the time).

Let me share this from my perspective:

I love Bejeweled on Facebook.  It's a minute-long game with colors, explosions, and a score that constantly goes up (as long as you are playing), three of my favorite things (I like watching numbers increase,okay?).  Naturally, it's a great way to relax and de-stress because it's fun and it only takes a minute (granted I play more than a few rounds...don't judge me).

However

This game is quite possibly the loudest game on Facebook, so whenever I start the game, I have to make sure my sound is off.  Usually I mute my computer by clicking on the sound icon in the system tray, because if I press the mute button on my keyboard, then it makes a high-pitched beep that annoys me and lets people know that I don't want them to hear something.

It used to be that I could rest assured that people would assume I was muting a blog with music on it, but not so anymore. Know why?

Because sometimes I forget to mute before I start playing.  So then I jump at the sound Bejeweled makes and quick press the high-pitched beeping-mute on my keyboard.  But it's too late.  Everyone knows I'm playing Bejeweled like the addict I am.

I call it the mute of shame, because right after you mute it, you feel ashamed (whether you should feel ashamed or not is up in the air for debate, so hack away at that issue if you'd like, but I really don't care--I just know that I feel ashamed) for one or two reasons: you just annoyed people with a loud, startling sound, and maybe they were trying to study or nap or do something more important than you are obviously doing (because in all honestly, Bejeweled isn't important), or you feel ashamed at your addiction.

And don't say you aren't addicted.  If you know what I'm talking about, you are most likely addicts. And I live in an apartment with other addicts who mute shamefully.

So welcome, addicts anonymous.  You now learned a new term for your behavior: The Mute of Shame.

To Amanda

Dearest Friend,

I have recently made some observations that impress upon me the need to explain to you what I know about a sneeze.

A sneeze (also known as a sternutation) is an involuntary compulsion in which air suddenly heaves from your lungs and through the nasal canal and mouth usually to expel foreign particles which are bothering something in your nasal canal.  Sometimes people sneeze in reaction to bright light, viral infections, or even a full stomach (little known fact/s).

Furthermore, you often feel great after a good sternutation because leading up to the expelling of the air/particles, pressure builds to prepare you for the involuntary action.  I am not sure if your eyes will pop out if you sneeze with your eyes open; however, I am aware that if you hold a sneeze, the built up pressure could pop some vital blood vessels in your head/brain, and you could die.  Therefore, I urge you (and everyone) to sneeze no matter the circumstances you find yourself within.

A sneeze does not, however, make you cold.

Hence, when I heard you say, "That sneeze made me cold," I felt obligated to tell you that's not quite how sneezes work, and while it would be significantly intriguing if they affected the temperature, that is not one of their effects.

I hope this encourages you to grab a jacket or blanket next time you feel cold, and I hope you aren't afraid of future sneezes stealing the warmth from your soul.

Yours truly,
Brittany

150 150 150 150...WAIT! 151?!!!

ohmigosh!

i have been waiting ever so patiently for blog post number 150, and i passed it! this is blog post number 151.

drat. curse my over-zealous frustration at the idiotic soapsters. i was so frustrated i forgot to check the post number before i wrote.

well, I suppose I will dedicate this post to my forgetfulness.

I know you hear the same stories every single day because I forget I told them to you.

I know you answer the same questions repeatedly because I forgot I asked you and/or your answer.

I know you're tired of me going back and forth between the living room, the kitchen, and my bedroom because I forgot what I was doing.

I know you're annoyed because I forget I'm cooking so often.

I know sometimes you're offended because I forgot to call or text you back.

I know sometimes you're hurt because I forgot to say I love you or simply hang out with you.

I know you get mad when I forgot I left my stuff somewhere that was clearly in your way.

I know you don't like it when you try to tell me something exciting about a celebrity/friend, but I have no idea who you are talking about because I forget names almost instantaneously.

But I also know that you forget things sometimes too, and overall, my awesomeness outweighs my forgetfulness (yeah, I know, that's a lot of awesomeness, right?), so that's probably why you still like me so much.

HA HA.

Well, sorry 150.  Hopefully you don't mind being the soap post.

Dirt Fools

There's a commercial for a motion-activated soap dispenser.  I find it appalling.  This is what they say to convince people to buy the dispenser:


Ever worry about how many germs live on your push-down soap dispenser?  Those pump-soaps are touched by so many dirty hands, it's disgusting!  But not anymore!  Now there's soap with a motion sensor!  No need to touch, just put your hand there, and viola! Bacteria-free dispensing!

Now that's not a direct quote, but you get the picture...so now that you get the picture...

Does ANYONE see anything wrong with the logic this product is based on?

If you don't, allow me to enlighten you: you don't need to worry about the bacteria on the soap dispenser.  Why?  Let's walk through the simple and effective way that we wash our hands.

Wet hands.  Get soap.  Wash hands.  Dry hands.

See it now?  If you don't, try it this way:  Wet hands.  Get soap.  WASH HANDS.  Dry hands.

You don't need to worry about the bacteria on the soap because YOU WASH IT OFF RIGHT AFTER YOU TOUCH IT!  If anything, you should get a motion-activated faucet, because that's the thing you touch before you wash your hands (thereby contaminating it) and then after you wash your hands (thereby contaminating them).  But you don't even need to worry about that much.  Chances are that your hands are soaking wet when you turn off the faucet, so flick off the extra water after you turn off the faucet and dry your hands, then settle down because you just flicked and wiped off whatever minuscule amount of bacteria you caught from re-touching the faucet.

REALLY people.  The only reason anyone should buy this soap dispenser is if they like how cool motion-activated stuff is.  That's justifiable.  If you want something cool, spend more money to get it, that's fine.  But purchasing it because it's healthier?  It's not!  It's just a stupid trick.

Besides, dirt isn't going to kill you.  People who are afraid of dirt are going to end up spending more money in their lives, and this product proves it.