To The Cut

I'm not editing this before I post it because I have to post it ASAP before it's too late.

A friend of mine is going through a rough time, and she feels even worse about it because she knows that she should forgive in order to feel peace and be a "good" person, but no matter what she does, she can't seem to completely forgive. I know that a lot of us think that we forget about something that hurt us, but then we remember it at the most unexpected times, and you have to go through the whole process again. It sucks. I don't know HOW to make that easier, but I know that it's one of the worst things about life--living a heart ache over and over and over again.

I've had my own experiences like this. I'm not going to go into them, but I know that forgiving is hard, and forgiving people who aren't sorry is harder, but the hardest part is forgetting. And when you try to forgive and you can't forget, you feel the pain associated with whatever wrong was done to you, plus the guilt of not being able to let it go. It's not a good combination.

You may have heard me quote my mother several times already, but I’m saying it again: “You are only expected to do your best, and your best changes every day.” I think you should keep this in mind when you are being harder on yourself than necessary.

Do not feel bad about struggling with forgiveness. The fact that you feel bad about shows that you are willing to forgive, and you understand the importance of forgiving. You just simply haven’t found out how to do it yet. There are some things that hurt our hearts so much that it would be unreasonable to forgive right away. God knows that. God isn’t unreasonable. He doesn’t require that you run faster than you have the strength to (Mosiah 4:27). He understands and is willing to help. I can’t tell you how to feel better because each person’s way is different, so I’ve assembled some quotes that you might find useful. the quotes don't give you the answers, but I hope they can comfort you. And I know you love quotes. I put my favorite ones first and last:)

“Do not feel guilty or worry if you are struggling with forgiveness. It is easy to take
scriptures about forgiveness out of context and assume we must be immediately ready to forgive even serious harm from others.” –President Gordon B. Hinckley

In the everyday circumstances of life, we will surely be wronged by other people—sometimes innocently and sometimes intentionally. It is easy to become bitter or angry or vengeful in such situations. The Savior counseled, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" (Matthew 5:44).

We should pray for strength to forgive those who have wronged us, and we should abandon feelings of anger, bitterness, or revenge. We should also look for the good in others rather than focusing on their faults and magnifying their weaknesses. God will be the judge of others' harmful actions.

“We must not lose hope. Hope is an anchor to the souls of men. Satan would have us cast away that anchor. In this way he can bring discouragement and surrender. But we must not lose hope. The Lord is pleased with every effort, even the tiny, daily ones in which we strive to be more like him. Though we may see that we have far to go on the road to perfection, we must not give up hope.” –President Ezra Taft Benson.

“I just wanted to say how profoundly sorry I am for this burden you are called to carry. I wish I had answers to all the questions. All I know is that moving from pain to healing is a process.... a process that can't be rushed. I know that peace will come to you. The anger is normal and understandable. It is part of what helps us understand injustices. You will eventually be able to let go of your anger as you give the heaviness of it...the unanswered parts of it to God. What you are going thru right now is the essence of the why the Atonement was accomplished. I use that word on purpose -- accomplished. The same applies to your process. God will lead you to healing. Allow his wisdom to teach you whatever lessons he will as you pass thru it all. Forgiveness will come. It is ok that it isn't all here today.”